Sometimes, I'm fucking down to the core of the earth. I really tired with everything revolving around me. I'm tired with all those stupid things happened and honestly it really tortured me inside. Everyone looks me as a motherfucker strong girl, but no one can dive into my feeling and feel me inside. No one even my mom can't do that. But everyone pretend like they did. Everything I did, it must be a reason behind the action.
Why you rarely talk to other? Why you love to be lonely?
My only answer because I'm fucking damn tired with the two-faced friends. I heard a lot of bullshits thing revealed by their own best friend. And I hate it. I had once here, but what I got in return only broke me inside so it's better to have one friend who suits you very much.
A simple question but it too hard to explain, what is the meaning of having a best friend? Is she just a 'thing' to show off to others that you're not alone? Or you're amazing cause you have a cow to follow whatever you said and left her when you're enough using her?
We maybe shared the same pillow, but we never ever shared the same dream.
When I'm here, I understood why my aunt said, 'If you're clever, you'll closer to the non-Muslims.' and yes, they are totally different compared to us. Never mind from the beginning, I closer to Chinese and here, to the Indian. Sometimes, I feel ashamed when I threw myself into their cultures. Obviously different. *laugh